It all started with that first well placed curse word. It wasn’t really a plan. I didn’t decide that day that I would become a fluent curser. Instead, I was just extremely angry and need a word with a little shock value behind it. Before I knew it curse words became the standard for me. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t curse for everything, but I did curse often enough. One day it finally hit me, Mommy needs a thesaurus. I need to learn new words to use to replace these little emotion bombs.
Cursing can feel like such a liberating thing. There are these frustrations and emotional situations that deserve strong words to sum them up. Words like Darn and Fudge just don’t fit the day when your five year old decides to drop your camera on the ground and shatter your favorite lens. They also don’t fit the day when the power company cuts the power because the check you mailed won’t come until the next day. So, I cursed. I needed a prompter to beep me the last 6 months to a year…
That being said, I never wanted to be the cursing mom. I wanted to teach my children that there were other ways to communicate. I wanted them to know that we don’t need curse words for strong emotions. I failed. Epic fail. Biggest fail ever accomplished when attempting a task. Don’t misunderstand. The kids don’t curse. They know better. However, I knew I was setting a double standard…
I knew something had to be done. After praying for God to clean out my mouth, (Let’s be real, I needed a little help with this one) I asked the family to talk. I told them that I would be cutting out cursing completely. As an added accountability I asked them to offer me a thesaurus every time I slipped. I won’t lie. That was hard. I didn’t like admitting I was wrong. Even more than that though, I didn’t like making these tiny humans my boss with something.
The first day was hard. Why on Earth did I decide to put up the Christmas tree the day that I quit cursing? What was I thinking? My facebook status may have included a pic of the tree with this caption, “No curse words were spoken by me in the tree decorating process. Small victories. Now how about some cocoa?” I won’t lie. I have slipped a few times here and there and referenced my thesaurus more than once but I am working on it.
I learned something from this process though. It is completely ok to be accountable to your children. I am not saying we burden them with heavy adult troubles but with the weaknesses that are effecting them I think accountability is beautiful. As homeschool parents we spend all day with our children. They see us at our worst. They need to know that we see our shortcomings. They need to know that we aren’t better than them. They need to know what accountability looks like and how we overcome problems.
Here’s to another day without picking up my thesaurus.
The Former Cursing Mom.